Discipline

A while back I wrote about a feeling of personal disarray I named "Art Distraction Disorder." Very cute, but I'm now seriously considering the fact that this disorder is truly holding me back from my goals. Or even holding me back from creating and committing to my goals.

In my old life, learning new bindings, surface techniques, etc was a real joy...and distraction. Who could argue that learning how to do shibori or make book cloth was anything but positive? Classes often brought that awesome feeling of flow...where you are lost in the moment, completely focused and engaged on the problem in front of you. And if you are having a tough time in any other part of your life (and who isn't?), aren't those moments of flow a gift? As a good friend once said to me, there is a reason we embrace distractions.

I still love to learn new techniques and try out new materials, but the new skills may now be more of a hindrance than anything else. I have to admit that they are keeping me back from going deep in any one thing. For so long, that sense of discovery was labeled "fun" and even "healthy"....and it is. But like any good thing, there may be a time when you have to introduce some discipline or balance. In my case, it's the d-word. It does feel like a bit of a downer...do I have to skip the classes at MCBA this summer on working with metals? Or like my other experiences with purging and letting go, does it bring freedom and a deeper joy in the end? And, as they say, is admitting you have a problem the first step to recovery?