Lost and Found

It was about a year ago that everything started to change at my last job. There was one day when I wanted some extra luck at work, so I went to my jewelry box for a gold bracelet that my father had given to me...a bracelet that he had once given to his mother. While it wasn't worth a lot of money, it had a unique design and of course, a great deal of personal meaning. I couldn't find it. In the few minutes I had before going to work, I rummaged through my drawers but had to leave without it.
Within a few months, I left my job of 25+ years. The previous summer I had hired a wonderful guy to assist our producers and who turned out to be a daily joy in our work lives. Knowing my interest in book arts, he gave me a book he'd made with his girlfriend as a farewell gift. Hand-drawn images were gocco'd into an edition bound with twine and told the story of finding a hurt bird. It was one of the most charming gifts I'd ever received. I packed it away carefully in the items I was taking home from work, but when I went to retrieve it I couldn't find it. It was also gone.
In the months after I left, I found a physical metaphor for my journey of change by going through closets, drawers (and of course, eventually my studio) sorting out what I didn't love or need and finding new homes for everything. I opened boxes that I had packed in a move 10 years ago and found letters from friends and family that were 30 years old. I discovered a treasure box that a dear friend had given me...still wrapped in newspaper after a move....and brought it out to my living room to fill with new treasures. When I opened the drawer of the box, I came across a second set of car keys that I thought had gone missing permanently. Every time I went into a new box, drawer or closet, it was like rediscovering parts of my life that I'd forgotten. But despite intensive searches for the bird book and the bracelet, I couldn't find either. I wasn't obsessed, but I couldn't forget them either. I wanted them back in my life.
This summer I finally had to give in to the belief that they were both just lost. I had done all I could to look for them. A month ago I went to my bedroom for some earrings and started thinking about the bracelet again. For some reason, I opened a small cupboard filled with bulky sweatshirts and fleece and gave the clothes a push. A white rectangular box peeped out and I knew, even without looking, that my bracelet was in there. I opened it and literally gave a shout out loud. The bracelet was there. Nestled next to it were 2 or 3 other items that I had given personal meaning to and tucked away for safety...and then promptly forgot where I had tucked them. I was so delighted to find the bracelet that I could only laugh at my foggy brain.
I wore the bracelet as a totem last night, even though I don't need it as much as I did a year ago. But I love all the different messages it has for me now: family love, its disappearance and my own tenacity in finding it again, patience with my own failings, the joy of rediscovery. I came home after a wonderful evening with new friends and put it away where it belonged, where I know it will be the next time I want to wear it.
And the bird book? It has not reappeared yet. Still I'm now confident that some day I'll open a drawer or file and it will be there all along.